i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
