I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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