im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
