do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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