I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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