So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
