So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
