are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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