next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
