Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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