I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
