the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
