I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
