cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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