are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
