I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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