i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
