just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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