im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
