I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
