THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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