Will you blow on my dice?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
