MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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