he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize