i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
