I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
