Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
