Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
