I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
