I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
