Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
