my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
