More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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