you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
