So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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