i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
