i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
