that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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