That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just cropdusted the office
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
