I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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