the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
