matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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