I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
