WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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