there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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