the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
