It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel great
I just peed on a car
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
