i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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