I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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