I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
