3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
