Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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