I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
