i love accidental penises.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
