she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
