After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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