You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
