Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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