my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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