got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
