Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
