Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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