He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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