Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
