she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
