Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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