and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
