3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
