2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
