break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
