How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
