Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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